For me, the bullying got bad starting in grade school. In first grade, I got picked on because I was different and due to the fact that I had mental illness. I was also an easy target. One of the ways this affected me was that I would be very depressed and angry and with my mental illness, this was not helpful. Although the problem was not only within the school building, but also on the bus, there would be older kids waiting to pick on me there. Those same kids would pick on me at the bus stop and in the neighborhood. When I was picked on at the bus stop and the neighborhood, they would sometimes physically bully me.
This bullying continued into second grade. By then, the combination of bullying and mental illness got bad enough that I thought about suicide and how terrible my life was. I developed a habit of looking down at the ground so I would not see the kids bullying me, a habit even now in high school I have trouble with even though I am no longer being bullied. The bullying continued into third grade, although it did improve. I was put in a self-contained class which I started to make friends in and although I was still bullied it had improved a lot. Also, by third grade, I was no longer really depressed. The situation slowly improved over into fifth grade and after that bullying, for me, was no longer one of my bigger problems.
Special thanks to the Disabled Young People's Collective for gathering these stories.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
Pamela's Story
My oldest daughter is almost 10 years old and is in the 4th grade. At the end of her second grade year, I picked her up from school one afternoon and almost immediately had to turn around and go back to the school. My daughter asked me what a "faggot" was...because another child in her class called her a "faggot" that day. She didn't know what it meant, but she knew it was a "bad name" because of the way the other child said it...and because several other children had laughed at her when it happened. I walked into my daughter's classroom and spoke with her teacher - who was very nice to me, but basically shrugged her shoulders and said "what can I do?"
At the very least, I felt the child who was name-calling should be told not to use that language any more and that she should apologize to my child. The teacher stated that she would speak with the principal as she wasn't sure how to handle it - she stated she would have him call me. Neither of these things happened - the child did not apologize to my child, the teacher told me later that she never addressed it with the child because "what's the point,"" and the principal never contacted me. Before the end of the year, I wrote a letter to the principal listing several concerns - and I included my concern about the name-calling incident. He did not contact me. However, I did see him in the office and he stated "I got your note." That was it...he got my note.
I later learned from my daughter that that was not the first time she had been called a "faggot" and other names by a small group of children in her class - it seems that it had just been happening more frequently, the teacher had not responded when she want to her for help, and she "just couldn't take it anymore."
That year, her second grade year, was very difficult...she was a very lonely child who hated going to school. In fact, she hated it so much that by the end of the year, she declared that she was never going to college and began to ask if high school was mandatory! I do not think that it was a coincidence - I strongly believe that she was completely demoralized by her peers and the name-calling. I believe that she lost confidence that her teacher could or would help her. I don't think the teacher was a bad person or that she didn't care about my daughter - I think she didn't know what to do.
The experience that my child had should not have happened - and it should not be repeated. Teachers need guidance and support to be able to address this kind of tormenting behavior - and a rule/law that allows for consistency in application of consequences.
At the very least, I felt the child who was name-calling should be told not to use that language any more and that she should apologize to my child. The teacher stated that she would speak with the principal as she wasn't sure how to handle it - she stated she would have him call me. Neither of these things happened - the child did not apologize to my child, the teacher told me later that she never addressed it with the child because "what's the point,"" and the principal never contacted me. Before the end of the year, I wrote a letter to the principal listing several concerns - and I included my concern about the name-calling incident. He did not contact me. However, I did see him in the office and he stated "I got your note." That was it...he got my note.
I later learned from my daughter that that was not the first time she had been called a "faggot" and other names by a small group of children in her class - it seems that it had just been happening more frequently, the teacher had not responded when she want to her for help, and she "just couldn't take it anymore."
That year, her second grade year, was very difficult...she was a very lonely child who hated going to school. In fact, she hated it so much that by the end of the year, she declared that she was never going to college and began to ask if high school was mandatory! I do not think that it was a coincidence - I strongly believe that she was completely demoralized by her peers and the name-calling. I believe that she lost confidence that her teacher could or would help her. I don't think the teacher was a bad person or that she didn't care about my daughter - I think she didn't know what to do.
The experience that my child had should not have happened - and it should not be repeated. Teachers need guidance and support to be able to address this kind of tormenting behavior - and a rule/law that allows for consistency in application of consequences.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Eric's Story
Horrible news out of Ohio, and yet another tragic example of why clearly defined bullying policies are absolutely necessary to protect children from violence. Eric Mohat, 17, was tormented so much that his parents believe it drove him to kill himself.
From ABCNews.com:
"...when one bully said publicly in class "Why don't you go home and shoot yourself, no one will miss you," he did.
Now his parents, William and Janis Mohat of Mentor, Ohio, have filed a lawsuit in federal court, saying that their son endured name-calling, teasing, constant pushing and shoving and hitting in front of school officials who should have protected him.
The lawsuit -- filed March 27, alleges that the quiet but likable boy, who was involved in theater and music, was called "gay," "fag," "queer" and "homo" and often in front of his teachers. Most of the harassment took place in math class and the teacher -- an athletic coach -- was accused of failing to protect the boy.
"When you lose a child like this it destroys you in ways you can't even describe," Eric Mohat's father told ABCNews.com."
For the rest of the heartbreaking article, please click here.
Ohio is all-too-similar to North Carolina in that it has no statewide anti-bullying policy with enumerated categories. Our friends at Equality Ohio have this to say about their state policy and the similar struggle they've had with getting this legislation passed:
Ohio does not have a broad law to prevent school bullying. Ohio also does not have a law preventing discrimination in education based on sexual orientation or gender identity.
In 2006 the Ohio Legislature passed House Bill 276 that required the 723 school districts across Ohio to develop anti-bullying policies on their own. This bill was signed into law without the need for enumerated categories of protection. Equality Ohio and a coalition of organizations testified before the Ohio Senate Committee on Education to try to include these important protections.
Eric committed suicide in 2007. Just three months after his death, his high school adopted an anti-bullying policy with enumerated categories (including sexual orientation), which we found in their Parent/Teacher Handbook. If Ohio, or Eric's school district, had taken precautionary steps to protect him and millions of other students from this sort of targeted bullying, it is possible Eric might still be alive.
Shouldn't North Carolina adopt this kind of effective policy before another student kills himself or snaps and shoots classmates?
While our coalition is working very hard on getting this legislation passed, there are things you can do in the meantime - as parents, friends, educators, or administrators - to learn more about how to effectively help victims of bullying at SafeYouth.org.
Our hearts go out to the Mohat family, and all victims of bullying, and we commend the Mohat family for using this tragedy to draw attention to this serious problem in our schools and to create more effective legislation regarding school anti-bullying policies.
We urge you to contact your legislators to make sure that they support the School Violence Prevention Act (House Bill #548 / Senate Bill #526). You can look up your legislators and email them here.
Jason's Story
I've gotten bullied three times at school. Once, someone punched me in the face. I've gotten put down and called retarded and stupid. One time, after I got bullied, I ran away from school. I went to my dad's house but the school came looking for me with the police. I got sent to Dorothea Dix because I kept running away from school and they thought I was crazy.
Special thanks to the Disabled Young People's Collective for gathering stories for this blog.
Special thanks to the Disabled Young People's Collective for gathering stories for this blog.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Gabriel's Story
My name is Gabriel, and at the age of three I was diagnosed with Autism. I was a special education student, and while I was in middle school I had a paraprofessional who aided me with simple tasks and helped me around class. I had built a strong friendship with my para for over three years, until one morning when I was in the eighth grade. I asked my para about her opinion on same sex civil unions. My para is a born again Christian and she told me that she was so disgusted when the state legalized same sex civil unions that she wanted to move. She also told me that homosexuality is disgusting and that she would disown any of her children that were LGBT. My para had brainwashed me into believing that homosexuality was wrong and disgusting. Inside I felt horrible and believed that it was my fault for being bisexual. I knew at that point that it wasn't a matter of "if" our friendship would end; it was just a matter of "when.” Being a bisexual student I was put in a Catch 22, I had to decide if I was going to continue the three year friendship that I had built with her or if I was going to live my life the way I wanted to. After months of deliberation, I decided not to conform to her beliefs. As a result, the three year friendship that I had built with my para ended. To this day she will not even speak to me.
During my freshmen year, a girl would always steal my lunch. Every time she took my lunch she would force me to tell my entire lunch table (which had about 12 students) something about my sexual orientation. When I refused to tell her something she would call a person to the table and they would say something derogatory and mean to me. Even if I did tell them something, she still refused to give me my lunch back. After I asked her to give me back my lunch, she told me, "my boyfriend is black and he is going to kick your ass!" It was really scary especially at the age of 14 seeing so many people gang up on me. Even the captain of the soccer team threatened to beat me up because I told her to not steal my lunch.
Once, a football player pretended to be my boyfriend. However, he had a girlfriend and because my learning disability makes it difficult for me to tell if he was being truthful or not, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He humiliated me by throwing it in my face that he already had a girlfriend. I was humiliated because of my sexual orientation and my learning disability. I thought I was worth nothing. People at the table laughed at me as if my existence was a joke. Things only got worse when I reported what happened to the Vice Principal. People thought that I was a coward and not man enough to tolerate being humiliated. Students would jeer at me and make fun of me because I asked for help. But when I thought my life was on the line, I had no choice. For months, my self-esteem was shot and I had little hope that I would make it. I had to have an escort walk me from class to class because I was afraid of being attacked.
As a special education student, I felt violated and angry because people have acted like it was my fault that I was bisexual. Losing my friend (the para who I depended on) was very hurtful and at the age of 14, I was still naive. For weeks I was depressed and angry, I never thought that my sexual orientation could do that much harm to me. For years I decided to lock that skeleton in my closet.
However, on Thanksgiving morning I had a flashback to what happened to me three years ago. At that moment, I finally realized that my para and the people I sat with were wrong! I was so young and naïve, I allowed them to manipulate me!
It was then that I realized God doesn't hate homosexuals. If he did, he would not have created me the way that I am. I am who I am, and people need to accept it. Throughout high school people have bullied, harassed, and even evicted me from my own lunch table because of my sexual orientation. My loss three years ago, and my realization that it was not my fault, is empowering me to fight for equality. The fact that I lost my best friend, my paraprofessional, was no longer a loss, but rather a virtue. Without losing friends and being bullied I would not have the courage or strength to rise to this occasion. I am recycling the frustration and anger that I had over my loss three years ago and I am turning it into motivation that will make me determined to fight for equality. "What destroys me is what strengthens me." Everyone has been discriminated, discrimination hurts, discrimination is wrong. I’m working with Equality NC in asking the North Carolina Legislature to pass anti-bullying legislation to protect people like me, and hopefully prevent this same thing from happening to anyone else.
During my freshmen year, a girl would always steal my lunch. Every time she took my lunch she would force me to tell my entire lunch table (which had about 12 students) something about my sexual orientation. When I refused to tell her something she would call a person to the table and they would say something derogatory and mean to me. Even if I did tell them something, she still refused to give me my lunch back. After I asked her to give me back my lunch, she told me, "my boyfriend is black and he is going to kick your ass!" It was really scary especially at the age of 14 seeing so many people gang up on me. Even the captain of the soccer team threatened to beat me up because I told her to not steal my lunch.
Once, a football player pretended to be my boyfriend. However, he had a girlfriend and because my learning disability makes it difficult for me to tell if he was being truthful or not, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He humiliated me by throwing it in my face that he already had a girlfriend. I was humiliated because of my sexual orientation and my learning disability. I thought I was worth nothing. People at the table laughed at me as if my existence was a joke. Things only got worse when I reported what happened to the Vice Principal. People thought that I was a coward and not man enough to tolerate being humiliated. Students would jeer at me and make fun of me because I asked for help. But when I thought my life was on the line, I had no choice. For months, my self-esteem was shot and I had little hope that I would make it. I had to have an escort walk me from class to class because I was afraid of being attacked.
As a special education student, I felt violated and angry because people have acted like it was my fault that I was bisexual. Losing my friend (the para who I depended on) was very hurtful and at the age of 14, I was still naive. For weeks I was depressed and angry, I never thought that my sexual orientation could do that much harm to me. For years I decided to lock that skeleton in my closet.
However, on Thanksgiving morning I had a flashback to what happened to me three years ago. At that moment, I finally realized that my para and the people I sat with were wrong! I was so young and naïve, I allowed them to manipulate me!
It was then that I realized God doesn't hate homosexuals. If he did, he would not have created me the way that I am. I am who I am, and people need to accept it. Throughout high school people have bullied, harassed, and even evicted me from my own lunch table because of my sexual orientation. My loss three years ago, and my realization that it was not my fault, is empowering me to fight for equality. The fact that I lost my best friend, my paraprofessional, was no longer a loss, but rather a virtue. Without losing friends and being bullied I would not have the courage or strength to rise to this occasion. I am recycling the frustration and anger that I had over my loss three years ago and I am turning it into motivation that will make me determined to fight for equality. "What destroys me is what strengthens me." Everyone has been discriminated, discrimination hurts, discrimination is wrong. I’m working with Equality NC in asking the North Carolina Legislature to pass anti-bullying legislation to protect people like me, and hopefully prevent this same thing from happening to anyone else.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
New Poll Shows Overwhelming Support for School Violence Prevention Act
Today Public Policy Polling released a new statewide poll showing that sixty-nine percent of North Carolinians support the School Violence Prevention Act with sexual orientation included in the bill. A majority of every demographic group, including self-identified conservatives and members of both major parties, want legislators to pass this bill into law.
"This poll confirms that only a small portion of North Carolinians opposed safe schools protections that ensure the safety of all students, including those who are perceived to be lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender," said Ian Palmquist. "For that sake of our young people, it's time to do the right thing and pass this bill."
Support for the bill crosses party lines, with 86% of Democrats, 51% of Republicans, and 62% of independent and third-party voters supporting. Strong support was seen in every region of the state and across all age groups and races.
Click here for PPP's post on the results and the polling data.
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